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Monday, May 6, 2013

Tips for Husbands Regarding Mother’s Day

Note: This post is specifically intended for husbands who have young children (under the age of 21) and are married to the mother of these children. If you are a husband and you don’t have children, you can still give your wife presents and cards (Hallmark is happy to oblige) on Mother’s Day. Yes, I think it’s a little weird, if you’re wife isn’t at least pregnant, to give her a Mom gift. But I think a lot of things are weird—like the current mustache trend. I just don’t get it. If you are a husband with adult children, send them a text and remind them that Sunday, May 12th is Mother’s Day and be willing to lend them the credit card.  

1.  Mother’s Day is the One True Holiday
Sure, moms get to celebrate Thanksgiving, Valentine’s Day, Christmas, and Pi Day. But all those holidays require work (sometimes lots of work and lots of money). Except Pi Day, but that’s not much of a celebration, either. On Mother’s Day, women with offspring should not have to lift a finger. Especially if the woman in question has a wee child. Mom is not allowed to cook, bathe, diaper, wipe, polish, scrub, pick up, fold, carry, list, answer, toil, trim, or do anything unsavory.

2.  About Your Own Mom
It’s wonderful that you’ve thought of your own mother. That makes you a good son. (And if you’ve thought of your grandmother or MIL, you get bonus points.) But before you order flowers online for mum, check with your wife. Chances are that your wife has already bought the gift and the card, and all she needs is your signature. If your wife has not yet had a chance to tend to these Mother’s Day needs, then yes, you must take of your mom too.

3.  Does Mom Really Want Breakfast in Bed?

I can’t speak for every mom, but I think I speak for 99% of us when I say NO. This is what you and the children are imagining…
But in reality the breakfast usually consists of soggy cereal, cold toast, yesterday’s coffee, and some questionable fruit. I don’t think I’m going out on a limb here when I tell you Mom would rather just sleep in. If Mom can wake up leisurely when she’s ready and find the rest of the family fed (including the pets) and dressed, then I think you’ll have a happy Mom.

4.  Cards
Store bought cards are fine. Store bought cards that say “To a Wonder Aunt,” not fine. You should read the card—inside and out—before purchasing. And the children should sign or scribble in the card if possible. Homemade cards are fine, too. Probably even better, unless the child made the card on the back of a placement on his way home from dinner. Put in some time. Use handprints. Spell “mother” correctly. Extra points for the little details.

5.  Gifts

Your safest bet is to ask. Or have the children ask. Every Mom is different. Some may like a new weed eater or vacuum. Some Mommies are into jewelry or knickknacks. (Why anyone would want something that requires dusting is beyond me.) If your wife says she wants nothing, this is a lie (or worse, a trap). At the very least, you need flowers. Preferably from a florist. Second choice, a grocery store. Last option, the corner gas station.

6.   Food and Meals
If you want to cook, knock yourself out. But you need to do it from start to finish. (FYI: Finish is unloading the dishwasher.) Another common option is the Mother’s Day brunch. They’re everywhere—even more populous than Redbox machines and flu shot clinics combined. Still, reservations are highly recommended. (No joke, as I’m writing my e-mail just dinged. Opentable sent me an e-mail reminding me to make my Mother’s Day reservation.)

7.   And Above All Else
No arguing. (Mom is ALWAYS right, but especially on Mother's Day.)
Kind words of thanks are appreciated.
Kisses and hugs from all are the best.

Full Disclosure: My hubby and kids have Mother’s Day mastered. And yes, it is the best day of my year.

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